BAD PET OWNERS SUCK!

2:20


We just saw the most awful thing. I thought Daddy was gonna stop and punch this guy out. So we are driving along the highway, through the outskirts of a town, when we see this guy swerve to the greenbelt in the middle of the road, and slam on his breaks. So we think his truck is on fire or something. He gets out and starts running through the tall grass in the median. We see he’s running after his DOG! The dog was wearing a Stars and Bars bandana and was an ol’ coon dog and probably beagle mix. He was running all frantic and funny-like through the grass. It looked like at least one if not both his front legs were broken because he kept falling over and it didn’t look like it was the tall grass that was causing the problem. The stupid redneck asshole prolly had his dog in the back of his truck and it fell or jumped out!!! Daddy was yelling and cursing for a good 5 min about it, and continued muttering under his breath about it for another 20. It was a really irresponsible thing for that guy to have done. Animals are not disposable or invincible. They are also not that smart. They rely on us, their humans to be not only their caregiver, but their protector as well. A dog should NEVER EVER EVER ride in the back of a truck OR with its’ head out the window. Anyone who does that is a bad pet owner and should not be allowed to have a pet. I don’t care who this offends; you suck if you allow your animals to ride this way! Oh we were so ripped!!!

Pinstripers and Sex Shops

1:19pm


We are on our way to Surf City, NC to have linner (lunch and dinner) with some of Daddy’s friends that he met recently at the Hot Rod show he had photographed in Syracuse, NY. They are largely responsible for putting together the panel jams (where a bunch of pro pinstripers get together and each take turns laying lines on a panel that is later auctioned off) that raise money for a non-profit organization helping battered children in the area called the McMahon house. He also hosts an annual event as part of the show, called Arties Party, where all the top talents in the pinstriping biz can get together to share ideas or to meet up with old friends. Linda, Artie and Daddy had hit it off really well at the show and he wanted them to meet Seamus and me. Artie had told us a better way to get to his place, other than the main road which he knew would be congested, especially at this time of day. Well, we missed the turn-off, so we ended up following the GPS route anyway. It was one of those great southern strips of road for tourists where the stores’ pattern was as follows: Firework shop, mini-golf, seafood restaurant, sex shop, supersized swim/beach store, sex shop, mini-golf, other restaurant, sex shop, mini-golf, repeat.

The NO Venus Fly Trap Trail!

Day 4
12:34pm

After breaking down the campsite we drove to what the park had named Flytrap Trail. Here we were to find not only the Venus Flytraps, which was our entire reason for visiting the park, but several other endangered and bizarre carnivorous plants. It was early but the sun was already hot, a far cry from the overcast thunder showers predicted yesterday. Good thing, because we going trail walking rain or shine, shine was just bound to be more fun. We walked the whole trail and saw a lot of great flora and some fauna, but you know what??? NOT A SINGLE GODDAMM FLYTRAP!!! We even went searching off the trail like bad lil’ kids to the swampier areas to find some, but we still came up with nothing. The only one we did see was the Yellow Pitcher Plant. It was cool to find, and made for some nice photos, but I wanted Flytraps dammit. I mean if you go to Flytrap Trail there should be at least a few Flytraps, right? Am I asking too much?? I mean they could transplant some along the path to satisfy the tourists’. No one would be the wiser! ALAS!!!!

We did see some other cool plants and the nature trail was very pretty.......

Pogo Sticks and Pig Tails

9:22 pm

After leaving Chapel Hill, we headed south on to Carolina Beach State Park, along the coastline, not far from Myrtle Beach. There we rented a campsite for the night, for only $18, a much better deal than the KOA’s can offer. We were hoping to see some Venus Flytraps, and the other carnivorous plants boasted to grow here. The Flytraps can ONLY be found growing naturally within a 60 mile radius located in Southern NC and Northern SC. It had been overcast and rainy all day. With no signs the sky would clear we picked out site and headed to the local grocery for some meat to grill and all the BBQ fixin’s. It eventually cleared up a bit and we had a great lil cookout. As we were relaxing with some brew and Seamus way playing pyro with the dwindling fire we hear a strange sound, almost like banging in the sidewalk. We looked around the patch of trees separating the sites and there were three young girls bouncing up and down on pogo sticks. Now let me tell you whenever I had tried the pogo in my child hood I never got past the second or third bounce. These girls could go for a good 10 min, especially the oldest one, who began showing off her skills but bouncing a good 10 times in a row with NO HANDS! Man could she get air too. Her lil blonde braided pig-tails were flopping with each bound and her bright blue eyes shining with excitement. They were a riot!

Look Ma No Hands!

 Major pogo ACTION!

WE LOVE CAMPING!

MEAT!!!

The boys being dorks!

Down on the Farm

Day 3


1:28pm

We accidentally slept in late, and didn’t get up until about 8:45 am. We knew Tori had to leave for work at about 7 that day, so we didn’t get to say bye to her. And naturally being on a farm, Mark and Molly had been up for hours. I could see that by 9am, the time I wandered into the kitchen, they had made and eaten breakfast. They had also made muffins and gathered some fruit from the garden, or fridge, not sure which, cut it up all nice, and left it out for us to eat. Mark was out mowing the yard, and Molly was drinking coffee and working in the den. She said we’d have to make fresh coffee because that pot was already cold. Damn they DID get up early! We showered and got ready, and then I wanted to go take a few pics of the barnyard and pens. I was just going to snap some pics through the fence, but molly said we should go in the pens. 1st we went into see the poultry. 
 

I never knew there were so many kinds of chickens. Some were regular ones, but others were black and white, and others had long feathers on their heads that flopped around when they ran about. They looked like lil rockers bangin’ their heads to some heavy metal!

 

We all got to hold this one chicken that was a bit tamer than the rest. Their grand-daughter had spent some time with them and taken a liking to that one. She used to play with it and fed it blueberries. So it had not only gotten spoiled but quite docile as well. He was all black and had the longer feathers on his head and they fell down covering his jet black eyes.

Mollie found a passionflower growing in the pen and picked it for me. They are just such beautiful, unique flowers. I had no idea they grew in the US. I always thought they were so tropical, and could only be found in the jungles of Costa Rica or something. We also spent time in with the goats and sheep. There were two kids in there that were about a week or so old and we got to play with and hold them.

They were soooo cute, and would bleat for their mother who would come over in a huff to make sure they were ok. The big billy-goat had a longer goatee than Daddy’s and they had some fun sticking their tongues out at each other. He was a bit more standoffish and with those big horns we didn’t dare attempt to force him to get in a picture with us. Then there were the sheep. The sheep were a freakin’ riot! They just loved to be scratched and would loll their heads back and forth, roll their eyes and stick their tongues out. Not unlike a dog whose leg shakes when you rub him in just the right spot.

Next we went to the pig pen. These were some BIG pigs, and we were not about to go in the pen with them. They were rowdy, running around and bashing each others’ rumps with their snouts. But we got some cute pics of them through the slats in the pen. So what was originally going to be another morning of getting ready and hitting the road, turned into a glorious morning down on the farm. It was soooooo refreshing and enjoyable to just walk through the wet grass with a hot cup of coffee on a chilly morning and play with the animals.

11:29 pm


After dinner we all sat around and talked about different things. Daddy and I caught up with Tori and we all shared stories of recent adventures. Later in the evening we all watched Iron man before Mark and Molly called it a night and we put Seamus to bed. Then the three of us all went out to the back porch and hung out talking and relaxing. We saw the biggest slug ever, it was just going round and round the dog food bowl. It was so big that Marabellle, the Lab mix was growling at it! Probably saying get off my food you asshole!

CAN YOU DIG IT??

7:38pm


Got to our friends place where she stays with her grandparents at about 5:30-ish in the evening. She wasn’t due back for another 15 min or so, so we were greeted by her grandparents. We had to follow all these un-marked gravel streets deep into the wooded hills, to this cute little farmhouse way in the middle of nowhere. It wasn’t even on the GPS. It was all shaded, and a lush green. It felt welcoming and cozy right away. The grandparents, Mark and Molly, were nothing like I pictured. I had imagined a relatively sedentary cranky old couple, who lived in a small stuffy trailer-like home, with that distinct old people and mothballs smell. Instead they were extremely friendly, spry, and YOUNG! Or at least the life they led kept them looking young. They owned a small farm with about 20 Chickens, 8 turkeys, 6 goats, 4 sheep, 4 pigs, 2 dogs, and a cat. They also had several vegetable gardens and had prepared a lovely supper all from their farm, save for the fish. Even our son ate the salad, cooked spinach, and baked pears! They did pretty much all the farm work themselves and were just genuinely cool folks. I mean what grandpa do you know that reads Juxtapose magazine, says right on all the time, and “can dig” our horror photography?!? Not many.

Day 2

About 2pm

Got some coffee and Cinnabons and hit the road. Today we are on to Chapel Hill, NC to visit our friend Tori Horror. She is also a transplant from Burlington and we knew she needed some action! So down the Jersey turnpike we continued. We got an early start and didn’t have much traffic until we hit the DC area right around lunchtime. We weren’t going into the city, thankfully and only really had bad traffic at the intersections off the hightway toward downtown. Everything is so industrial here. That or (obviously) government oriented. Huge blackened windows, and some gov’t research facilities. We were able to see the Washington monument and the dome on top of the White House from the highway, which was all I needed to see of DC. Actually the best part about DC was seeing all the projects from the highway. I don’t know why I love trailer parks and ghettos so much, but I do! I could NEVER live in either, but I just want to know all about the people that live there. Got some pretty good pics of ‘em too. Also for your viewing pleasure I will include pics of other random highway attractions.

Here Pussy Pussy.............

10pm

Sleeping in a truck stop parking lot in south Jersey. We decided to stop driving around 9 pm or so. About 8 good hours of driving that 1st day. We pulled in and parked over to the right of the lot, away from all the people. There was a cute SNACK BAR place but it was closed. I headed right in to go pee cuz I was dying. Inside, there were some run of the mill highway eateries, but we didn’t need anything really. Daddy had noticed two cats hanging out in the grassy knoll in front of the parking spaces. As I was on the way back from the bathroom I noticed one in the parking lot too. “Get over here, you are going to DIE”, Daddy said. I walked over and there, on the grass, were probably 8 cats ranging from 2 years all the way down to 4-6 weeks old. And he was right I did die!

They were just frolicking about and playing, some of the little ones were play-fighting most adorably. Then as my ears picked up on the rustling beyond the fence and my eyes adjusted to the dim light in the parking lot I could make out at least half a dozen more hiding in the brush! It was so surreal, all these tiny mirrored eyes peeking out from behind the leaves and branches. Some of the bolder kittens would come out when called to, but never came close enough for me to pet. They were pretty feral. People that stopped or lived nearby had left lil’ paper bowls full of cat or dog food. Hopefully cat-food, but I think more people bring dogs on the road than cats. Daddy was able to pick one lil’ kitty up though. Daddy always gets the pussy to come……to him…….. The older ones weren’t necessarily skittish but they kept a close eye and a safe distance when it came to us. The orange tiger mama hissed when one of her babies was hoisted up off the ground.

For supper we ate white chicken chili right out of the jar. It was cold and it was delicious! Seamus had cold spaghetti O’s or something Chef Boyardee. Ya know, Daddy can have a DVD player running, the air conditioning on, the I pod blastin’ tunes, a refrigerated cooler chillin’ some snax, the GPS on, a cell phone charging and a play station or Sega game running; but not the hot plate all a by itself??? Um, ok, sure. That makes sense. Settling down with Seamus, some beer……….. for us, not for him and some Disney’s The Haunted Mansion action, it has been a great 1st day!

BONE CHILLING!!!

7pm


So that was both TERRIFING and BONE CHILLING!! 8 Lanes of no blinkers and people cutting over 3 lanes at a time at 60 MPH then SLAM, BREAK NOW OR DIE, down to 10 MPH. OH SHIT!!!! If I had been driving I would have been chain smoking and having my 1st ever panic attack. But Rob, of course, is calm as can be looking fly in his Nerd Glasses. I wish I was in a laundry mat in Newark……………

....and later

6:22pm


Luxury Condos staring at 349,000. Offering the best views of the pike in all of Jersey! Who in their right minds would pay that? Even in B-town that can buy you a pretty nice house. Or, if you dare live out in the country, a really amazing house with land and GHOSTS! Anyway, who would pay that kind of money for like 850 SF of smelly ass living space???? OK, so we’re driving thru Jersey, like I said, and the rest of what I can see is all parking lots, factories, and of course highways. Then OF COURSE we hit the whole NYC area at 4:30, just in time for rush hour traffic. Gas, Gas, Brake. Gas, Brake, Gas. Honk, Honk, PUNCH! GAS, GAS, GAS. These people are truly crazy!!! Side note: I was hoping to catch I glimpse of the Jersey Devil (yeah, yeah, I know I’m in the total WRONG area of the state, at the total wrong time of day, but can you blame me for looking anyway?) But I DID discover a NEW species, the Jersey Douche Bag aka IROC, Latin name: Lexus Douche Bagus Maximus………

Day 1

3:48pm

Saw a Serial Killer today. He watched my ass hungrily as I walked into the truck stop bathroom. I saw him as soon as we had stopped and I opened my door to get out. Daddy saw him too and pointed him out to me. “I know” I said and smiled, knowing that we always pick up on things like that at the same exact time. “ I saw him when we pulled in” I said. I could I not, really, he was so obviously STARING! I just looked over at the guy; sitting all slouched down in the front seat of his car, tossed my hair over my shoulders, and bounced off to pee. As we pulled away I looked back to see that he had gotten out of his vehicle and was walking around to the back of the restroom building. Guess he was gonna meet someone for a 4pm glory-hole date. I love dirty Persians trolling the truck-stop for new meat.

Let Us Begin........

Follow Cherry Darling, a sarcastic bitch, fresh out of the corporate slammer, and Big Daddy Satan, an ol’ school body-modder, and all around grumpy bastard, as they pull up stakes and move their family West to pursue their dreams of breaking into the Art/Photography/Film industry business. From Burlington, Vermont to Northern Arizona they trek, in a Super Boss Bitchin’ 80’s Van. With their 12 year old son, two 8 week old puppies, two Ball Pythons and a pregnant rat in tow, this will be the adventure of a lifetime. Enjoy!